**disclaimer. I am not a counselor or therapist. I am only someone that has experienced depression for many years. This advice is coming from my experience.
I have other posts that might be helpful for those that don’t know what depression looks like and they want to help their loved one, or a post on how to listen to someone that is struggling.
My dear friend-
When you opened up to me about struggling with depression, I had to write you this letter. I admire that you recognized quickly that it was depression. You were feeling different, you wanted to be alone most of the time, you started dressing different, you didn’t react as much to people in conversation, you didn’t feel the need to go out of your way to be your social self, you started to lose passion in the things that you love the most, and you felt angry, sad and unmotivated on a deeper level that felt scary. I think being scared about what you are feeling is a big indicator that depression has taken over. I am sure that the fear comes from feeling out of control with your emotions and of course that your life is different. It’s uncomfortable. I get that.
Depression can be scary too because you find yourself doing things you don’t usually do. Maybe you are crying more, angry more, maybe you find yourself not wanting to be with your friends or go to work or go and participate in hobbies. Maybe you are sleeping more and finding things to cope. (More food, more TV, more phone time, etc…) There are several different ways people cope. But they are never helpful in the long run. They are temporary relief, as you have come to find.
I can’t tell you exactly how to cure depression, but I have learned a few things. This is what I would suggest.
Take the coping mechanism away and sit with yourself and feel. I put this as #1 because I believe its the most important thing to do for yourself. Feel to heal. I believe that the reason that we as humans do things to cope is because we don’t want to feel our anxiety, stress, depression, loneliness or guilt. There are no words to explain these feelings except that they are a living hell. AMIRGHT? But we are not going to heal if we don’t understand why we are feelings the, and then find a solution to overcoming them. So now you move onto #2.
Write down what is on your mind in a journal. Allow your feelings to come. What are the circumstances behind your emotions and feelings. Who is in this circumstance? What do you have control of? What do you not have control of? what part do you play in it? And maybe you need #3 at this point.
Get a counselour or have a very trusted friend or family member. I found that this can be a very heavy thing for them. It can also be a situation they may not understand, and their ways of listening are actually ways to help. Which are quick fixes like, “buck up!” Which can make things worse and make you feel more lonely. So choose wisely.
Keep a morning routine. I’d suggest picking a song, then take slow breaths during the duration of the song. Inhale, hold for 4 seconds, exhale and hold for 4 seconds and then keep repeating. I’d also suggest going for a morning walk, eat a healthy breakfast and get some sort of exercise. I also make sure that I keep up on my hygiene and I also include having a clean space. Do your dishes, make your bed etc…
(I know that so far, these things mentioned can be hard to do because depression makes everything seem harder and it can take longer. I think it’s the “keep moving” idea here… or “keep swimming!” It doesn’t take away the feeling and emotions you have, but it certainly doesn’t make it worse)
5. While you are journaling from #2, I’d also suggest thinking about where in your life you might have a void. What are you missing? What do you need? Here are some questions to think about if it doesn’t seem obvious to you and what could be causing the depression.
A. Did you lose someone from death or a break up
B. Did you get diagnosed with a health issue or someone close to you
C. Did you have different circumstances with a job
D. Issues in a relationship
E. Dealing with confusion and decision that are difficult
F. When a child is dealing with something hard
G. Do you feel unloved by those most important to you
H. Being in a situation that you don’t want to be in
I. Boredom
J. Are you able to be yourself? Are you authentically you? Not being able to be who you are inside, can cause a loss of identity and be confusing and cause many hard emotions.
Obviously these are just a few critical ones. It’s not all of them. It will take mindfulness and humbleness and self awareness to discover what is bothering you.
There is good news. The problems that you are dealing with…. They aren’t solved YET. YET!! That means that they still can and they still will.
My daughter recently was dealing with an awful, terrible, no good rash on her body. It took her all hours of the day for a week to find an answer. She was diligent, I was diligent when I could, to help find relief and answers. She put in so much work. She eventually found the answers.
I can fully say, thats how depression works. It is and does take a lot out of you… but I PROMISE, the answers are out there, but you haven’t found them YET. Keep searching. It will take trial and error and it will take time and energy and so much self awareness and journaling. But the answers are there!!
Lastly, when you come to the cross road in depression where you are having suicidal ideation, thats best for a professional. Did you know you can text or call 988. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to them. Depression can be triggered very quickly to a dangerous level but there is help on the way!
I love you my dear friend. I understand the helpless and hopeless feeling you have. It’s lonely. Something I didn’t mention was prayer. There is a God that is aware of you. And one of the most critical things I can do is to keep in touch with him. I tell him everything that I wish a friend or family member would understand, He will give you strength and if you keep an eye out, there will be a blessing of help everyday!
Reach out.
You are not alone! So much love to you!
❤️J
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