**If anyone knows the artist of this picture, please let me know. I have loved it for a long time!
I don’t share a lot about this day, November 13th 1994. I have felt through the years that sharing my story brings sympathy from others, as well as guilt and embarrassment, and I didn’t know how to act when I felt those feelings. They were uncomfortable. And i didn’t want to feel that. I also felt like I would get in trouble for bringing attention to myself. I even felt that the reactions from others were that I was getting extra attention that I didn’t deserve. So I didn’t bring up my story or I acted like it wasn’t a big deal. These are feelings and thoughts I still deal with 30 hears later. They were and are my truths. I still don’t know what’s true about them and what’s not.
As I go through life not telling my story, I am also not acknowledging the power of God and the miracles he allows us to see and experience in this life.
More details on this particular day were shared in the first few posts of this blog.
What I wanted to share were things I have never shared about this time in my life. The accident happened because it was Gods plan for me. Not necessarily the accident itself, but that I was meant to keep living on this earth. Accidents happen. But God had a plan for me. And I wasn’t finished. It was a miracle.
God is a God of miracles!
I have and will have lifelong affects from the accident. As I have shared in previous posts, I was able to go through brain rehab almost 2 years ago from the basil skull fracture in result of the accident. I also lost some hearing and just received my first hearing aids. I finally found glasses that I like in result of the eye injuries. My pelvis was cracked and resulted in a tilted pelvis which has resulted in back pain and constant adjusting.
That’s the physical side.
The emotional side of the accident was that I was left feeling neglected. Quickly after the accident my father was offered a job across the country and not 2 months later after being released from the hospital, we moved. My mother already had 4 other kids to take care of but quickly had 2 more children. We moved 2 more times in a few years so my dad could finish his masters, before we finally settled when I was in 3rd grade. That kept my parents busy. Needless to say, I was forced to move on with a “normal” life. I was a strong willed girl and very independent, it was a natural reaction to take care of myself and put one foot in front of the other. I think that also made it hard for others to notice that I needed help. I also believe that behavior was a coping mechanism.
When I am not aware of my feelings and emotions and when there is no empathy from others, it’s natural that I had to fend for myself. This has caused years of mental health issues and loneliness. Listening and becoming aware and talking about hard things MUST start happening more often to heal. This took years after the accident to realize this.
We all need healing.
God is a God of healing!
It’s interesting that when feelings and emotions from experiences that are difficult are treated as if nothing happened, creates beliefs and thoughts about ourself that shape our whole life. This is caused by a severe lack of unawareness which creates many negative side affects that you may never become aware of because you were taught that to ignore them was the way. Or maybe there was just no awareness to BE aware.
If you are resonating with anything in this post. Reach out. If you are feeling depression, confusion or anxiety in your body on a constant basis, something inside of you needs to come out and be shared and addressed. You are not made or meant to be feeling this. Do you need to forgive, let go, or admit something. Do you need to quit or go after something you want. There is negative emotions trapped in your body for a reason. Your body doesn’t lie.
I am grateful to God for letting me notice and see the simple beauties that this life has to offer. I am grateful for the life he has let me have and the knowledge and growth that I have acquired due to the hardships I have faced (and will face.) I am grateful he sees my potential and allows me to go through difficult things (though freaking brutal,) so that I can bring awarenesss and share the miracles from God.
Happy miracle day!
With Love,
J ❤️
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